Wednesday, November 30, 2011

breathing in love

Every night at 11:30 pm I wake up Ellie to feed her for the last time before we all go to bed for the night. It's usually one of the most special times I have with her in the day. She's so peaceful, trusting, quiet, cuddly, and pretty much perfect. Often times during this time with her I get so overwhelmed with love for her that it brings me to tears. It wasn't until this experience of being a mother that I feel like I have the smallest glimpse of the Lords love for me, for us. It just rushes over me so strong I can't even describe it. As cheesy as it sounds, it literally feels like a wave crashing over me, a rush through my whole body, like someone just came up to me and hugged me so hard tears pour out of my eyes. I just sit on the bed and hold her, soak her in. I feel like while I am doing this the Lord is holding me, soaking me in while I just rest in his presence and love my daughter. I feel like its just the 3 of us, soaking, resting, loving, being. It's almost like a healing thing. If I love Ellie this much, and it changes me THIS MUCH, how would I be if I truly understood the Lords love for me? How would we all be if we TRULY understood and walked in the love the Lord has for us? I don't know. I am still learning to be with Him and feel His love for me. I am still choosing to let down my walls and let myself breathe in unending love. Some of you may have already had this revelation whether you are parents or not, but let me tell you, this revelation is a choice for me every day, and almost every night when I hold Ellie at 11:30 pm I am reminded of it.


  1. Love it. I remember those days. So full.

  2. Beautifully and perfectly described. I just finished weaning our 3rd, but I know that moment so well. You've put to words what I've always felt since our first. :) Little Elloise is so stinkin' cute, by the way. And what a gorgeous head of hair!

  3. I love this! Goodness, as if I wasn't ALREADY super antsy to get pregnant...

    I can't wait for moments like this :-)

  4. Such a beautiful post! I feel the same way about my sweet baby. Your daughter is absolutely gorgeous!!


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