breathing in love

Every night at 11:30 pm I wake up Ellie to feed her for the last time before we all go to bed for the night. It's usually one of the most special times I have with her in the day. She's so peaceful, trusting, quiet, cuddly, and pretty much perfect. Often times during this time with her I get so overwhelmed with love for her that it brings me to tears. It wasn't until this experience of being a mother that I feel like I have the smallest glimpse of the Lords love for me, for us. It just rushes over me so strong I can't even describe it. As cheesy as it sounds, it literally feels like a wave crashing over me, a rush through my whole body, like someone just came up to me and hugged me so hard tears pour out of my eyes. I just sit on the bed and hold her, soak her in. I feel like while I am doing this the Lord is holding me, soaking me in while I just rest in his presence and love my daughter. I feel like its just the 3 of us, soaking, resting, loving, being. It's almost like a healing thing. If I love Ellie this much, and it changes me THIS MUCH, how would I be if I truly understood the Lords love for me? How would we all be if we TRULY understood and walked in the love the Lord has for us? I don't know. I am still learning to be with Him and feel His love for me. I am still choosing to let down my walls and let myself breathe in unending love. Some of you may have already had this revelation whether you are parents or not, but let me tell you, this revelation is a choice for me every day, and almost every night when I hold Ellie at 11:30 pm I am reminded of it.

snow baby

getting ready for snow!

 I am so excited about taking ellie to PA for thanksgiving! Taking my daughter to my home town makes going home to see family even more exciting! She has not met any of her niece and nephews on my side of the family and I cannot wait for them to meet her!!! She also hasn't met her uncle wes, josh or vish, her aunt laura, or her great grand parents. Not to mention any other relative of mine, except for her great aunt! Needless to say, going home has never felt like more of a big deal than it does this time :) I'm not looking forward to the car ride though....

55 days of motherhood

Ellie will be 8 weeks on monday, I have been a mom for 55 days. 55
days of change. 55 days of the greatest joys and challenges I have ever known. 55 days that have already changed my heart in more ways than I could have ever imagined. 55 days that are only the beginning to the rest of my new life. For this I am grateful. For her I am grateful.
She changes so much every single week. If I don't pay attention I could miss the little things, like the first time she spotted her hands, the day she discovered her tongue and has been drooling more ever since, they day she looked me in the eyes and smiled, the first time she cooed, the list could go on and it will. For this I am also grateful.
I am reading a book called 1000 gifts. I think everyone should read it. I want to be thankful for what I have. I want my life to be changed by thanksgiving. November is a great month to start.


Here are some captured moments of the greatest gift I have ever received, my daughter, Elloise.